Literature - First Author Draft - Roareye Black

Welcome to the Literature Tutorials. This tutorial will give you key notes in how to formulate a unique concept for a story.
Please Note that you should never edit Literature works that have been created by other Artists, nor their original characters, only use original characters and/or characters from within commercially released games (As long as you're not writing for profit). This tutorial has been created by Roareye Black and is copyright to him.

Okay, I'm not going to write an entire story out for you, that would take far too long and I'm sure you're much more keen on getting on with your own story. However at the moment I'm writing a Daytona USA story to turn into a book and script. What I'll do is write out a scene from the book which has drama and several characters and then do the drafts in each stage, followed by an analysis for you to analyse your own works off of.

=SCENE=
Nobu stepped up to the large doors towering on the side of the building. He'd finally arrived at the automotive museum, and he was nervous. It had been ten years since he'd last been near the Hornet, ten years since he'd competed and for him it wasn't just seeing an old machine again, it was like visiting an ex-lover you walked out on.
He sucked his breath in and pressed his hand against the door, forcing it open slowly as he clenched his teeth anticipating the meeting. Tetsuya got impatient and forced his way past Nobu hurriedly, quickly followed by Jacques. Nobu didn't even notice, he was too busy sucking in the sight of the large aircraft housing filled with great machines of the past. He looked around slowly, strangely he didn't want to see The Hornet right now, he felt it might spoil the surprise of finally seeing her again.

"You coming or what?" Tetsuya groaned, already a distance away at the museum desk built in the middle of the large floorspace.
"Y-yeah. Sorry." Nobu tried to click his fingers hoping it would bring his mind back to reality, but he couldn't help feeling elevated. He was surrounded by some of the most amazing machines ever built. When Nobu finally arrived at the desk, Jacques was already in deep talks with the secretary, who had slipped onto the phone.
"Stop messing around, or well never get her back." Tetsuya told him
"I'm just nervous." Nobu snapped back
"You made me quit my job for this, so you better not screw this up." Tetsuya drilled
"Thanks, I feel easier already." Nobu sighed sarcastically. A few moments passed, Jacques was still chatting to the secretary who was giggling at his jokes, and Tetsuya wouldn't stop glaring at Nobu. It was just making him more uneasy the longer he continued.

"Mitsuyoshi-san?" A deep authorative voice came from behind the trio. Nobu turned to see a tall gentleman in a business suit. He gave a curteous bow before the trio responded with the same, "My name is Mr Thursten, I run the Automotive Museum. My secretary told me you had a special request to make of me?"
"We did make an appointment." Jacques nodded
"Ah, so you're The Hornet team?" The man's eyes shined with a renewed glee, "Welcome, please right this way. I bet you're eager to see her."
"Don't be so sure of that." Tetsuya whispered in Jacques' ear, causing Jacques to laugh to himself.

Thursten led the group through a selection of old aircraft before entering the area which housed several rally cars. Nobu recognised alot of them, the Toyota Celica GT-4 rally car, the Oriole he beat in the 1997 championships, but no matter where he glanced, the Hornet as nowhere to be seen.
"This is, of course, your backup vehicle." Thursten gleamed, showing his hand to the Gallop at the side of the Stock Car display. Nobu noticed an empty space, obviously Thursten was expecting a new vehicle in sometime soon. Probably from this year's Daytona. Thursten led the trio out of a side door and onto an empty runway where, situated in the middle of the tarmac, stood the Hornet. The paintwork gleaming like new, despite all the scrapes and bumps it took during it's last championship. Nobu's face muscles just squeezed themselves together to stop himself from getting tearful. It had been so long since the two of them had been together on the track, had Thursten decided to let them take her? What other reason was there to put the Hornet outside?
"You kept her in good shape." Nobu smiled at Thursten
"Of course I did, she's my pride and joy." Thursten gleamed with pride, "I take her outside to let the air go through her so she doesn't become unuseable."
"We appreciate that." Tetsuya nodded in approval
"Now, you said you had a special request. I assume you wanted to have a little play in her for old times sake?" Thursten offered
"We were hoping for a little more than that, Mr Thursten." Jacques told him
"Me and The Hornet go back a long way, as does the Pit Crew." Nobu explained, "We're looking to come back into the Daytona USA races, to win the Gold one last time."
"I see, and you wanted to practice in the Hornet. I'm afraid I wudn't want the parts to get worn out." Thursten rejected
"I've got hundreds of spare parts, filling the walls of my garage. Replacing the parts won't be a problem. She'll be better than new." Jacques assured him
"Even more than that though, we were really hoping to enter The Hornet in as our vehicle during the Daytona 2008 Championship." Nobu noticed Thursten's face turn into a mild horror.
"Enter her into this year's championship? Are you insane? She's a marvel, a masterpiece! Enter her into the championship and you don't know what damage she'll come away with." Thursten sucked in his breath to continue his reply, "I might have said yes if I thought she even held a chance, but she doesn't. Have you been to the Daytona Stock Race the last few years? They have vehicles that will run rings around The Hornet, and that's only the amateurs. Against the professionals The Hornet will only get destroyed."
"Mr Thursten, the race is all about the driver. You put me in the Hornet and I guarantee you top billings in the Daytona this year. It'll even serve as free advertising for your museum." Nobu explained, noticing Thursten's disgust at the idea.
"You think a car of her calibre can compete and win?" Thursten poised
"Yes I do." Nobu nodded, "Without a doubt." Thursten paused, thinking over their offer. He eventually sighed and turned back to them.
"I can't give you the Hornet. She's too valuable and I don't believe you have much, if any, chance of success. However I owe you for making the Hornet everything that she is, and because of that I'm willing to compromise." Thursten informed them, "I'll lend you the Gallop. She doesn't pull half as many punters and she's about the same age and ability as the Hornet. If you can do it in The Hornet, you can do it in The Gallop."
"I'm not used to the subtle differences of the Gallop." Nobu told him, "Please, let us take her."
"I'm afraid that's my only offer. Take the Gallop, modify her as much as you like and advertise my museum. I think that's more than fair for someone who's asking for a lend of a vehicle without payment or any guarantee of success." Thursten urged. "B..." Nobu began before Tetusya elbowed him in the rib
"That's a fine offer, we accept." Tetsuya agreed
"Good, you can get the keys off of Miss Teresa at reception. Good day gentlemen, and good luck." Thursten then walked away from the group, re-entered the building and disappeared.
"Why'd you elbow me?" Nobu pushed Tetsuya
"You made me quit my goddamn job for this, we failed to get The Hornet, so what? We got The Gallop for nothing. I wasn't about to let you make us lose the Gallop too, because then we'd be totally screwed." Tetsuya argued, making his way into the building.
"His job wasn't even that good." Jacques shrugged, "I understand how you feel, but we got a car. The Gallop runs on the same engine and parts as The Hornet, in several ways she's the same vehicle. Don't get too down about it dude, we've at least got a good chance." Jacques comforted Nobu, sighed when he found it wasn't working and retreated back into the building.

Nobu just stood there, staring at the old machine, it's headlight looking coldly back at him, lifeless. Nobu felt guilty for letting her wind up here, a relic, a thrill-less future. He took the moment to whisper his tearful goodbyes to the machine, before turning away. He couldn't help but feel he'd betrayed the machine again, but this time there was nothing he could do.



STORY
As you can tell, as a first draft I've managed to put in all the parts necessary to the story. With the whole book written this way, the story would be completely finished. However I wanted to try and make the reader feel a slight grip of tension about how emotional it was for Nobu to not only see the Hornet again, but to once again lose her. The right elements for this to happen are there, however it's success will be judged by those who read it. To me it comes off as a little trying, the text tries so hard to convery the emotion of seeing the Hornet that it feels a little forced. This is improved upon during every stage of the Drafts.

CHARACTER
The characters are at their most basic stage at this point. You get the odd glimpse of the characters, Tetsuya being the most dominant in terms of character due to his aggressive and impatient behaviour, however his speech and those of everyone else are very similar. Everyone speaks the same way. This is fine at this stage, as you are simply putting ideas to text, so character development won't be so advanced. However over the next steps this will be something for you to focus on. The movements and attitudes of the characters are dealt with in the Second draft, however the speech by the characters are altered on the Character Draft Level.

DESCRIPTION
The description here is typical of many fan fictions and first drafts of professional books. There is some indication of environment and objects surrounding the characters, however for the most part there is not alot. This is due to the nature of trying to get the more important element of the first draft, the story, out rather than the descriptive aspects of the environment. So if your story suffers from this, then don't worry. It's natural to have this at an early stage. This is altered for the Second Draft and finalised in the Final Draft.