Literature - Character Author Draft - Roareye Black

Welcome to the Literature Tutorials. This tutorial will give you key notes in how to formulate a unique concept for a story.
Please Note that you should never edit Literature works that have been created by other Artists, nor their original characters, only use original characters and/or characters from within commercially released games (As long as you're not writing for profit). This tutorial has been created by Roareye Black and is copyright to him.

So you've gotten a more defined environment, you know the attitude and actions of your characters, however at this point it is still extremely likely that they all sound the same to a certain degree, simply because you have been writing as yourself the whole time, trying to get the story out. The key to making more unique characters is to become the character yourself, and then edit only that character's text from start to finish before moving onto the next character. To show this, I shall edit the text three times, one for each Team character.

Nobu will be an easily astonished, however commanding character, which gives him an edge of naivity but the self control to be an excellent race driver.
=NOBU SCENE=
The aircraft hangar towered in front of him, the wind shearing off of it's grooved surface sending chills through the trio. Tetsuya had been complaining about the weather for some time, and was still complaining even now while Jacques did his best to silence him. It didn't matter, Nobu couldn't hear either of them. His whole body was tense and he could feel his skin begin a slight sweat. He'd finally come back to see her, after leaving her here to recieve no more glory, Nobu was back to see The Hornet. The car he'd been forced to abandon ten years earlier after winning the Daytona USA 2 1998 Championship. He didn't know what he was going to say, what she'd be like or even if she'd be in good condition, that was what made him feel most guilty.
He kept paused, blocking the doorway in front of him which opened up into the large automotive museum. Tetsuya got impatient and forced his way past Nobu hurriedly, mumbling to himself and marching his way into the shelter of the museum. Nobu didn't even notice, he was too busy sucking in the sight of the large aircraft housing filled with great machines of the past. Jacques motioned to pull Nobu in, then slowly decided against it, retreating into the building and making his way to the receptionist with his appointment sheet in hand.

"You coming or what?" Tetsuya poised, marching back and tugging Nobu through the entrance and shutting the door. He pushed Nobu's shoulder to get a reaction from him, making sure he was still awake.
"What? Ah, right. Sorry." Nobu apologised, shaking his head a little and trying to regain his focus, clicking his fingers and hoping it would bring his mind back to reality, but he couldn't help feeling elevated. He was surrounded by some of the most amazing machines ever built. He was surrounded by aircraft and to his left was sprawled with military machines. Nobu made his way to the desk, keeping his attention firmly on the machines dominating the area before finally noticing that Jacques was already in deep talks with the secretary. The secretary nodded to Nobu and turned to her phone, presumably calling the manager as arranged. Tetsuya noticed Nobu's attention wandering about the room and gave him a quick and light slap across the face.
"Hey, would you stop messing around? Focus on the job at hand." Tetsuya instructed, his annoyance made plain by his facial expression
"Now look here. I'm just nervous, keep your cool." Nobu objected, trying to calm Tetsuya down
"Just make sure you don't screw this up." Tetsuya drilled, turning away from Nobu and facing the desk to see how Jacques had gotten on.
"Yeah thanks, I feel easier already." Nobu told himself sarcastically. A few moments passed, and Jacques was still chatting to the secretary. She was giggling heartily at his jokes, as Tetsuya started glaring at Nobu. As Tetsuya continued, Nobu felt more and more uneasy.

"Mitsuyoshi-san?" A deep authorative voice came from behind the trio. The group turned around to see a tall middle aged gentleman in a black business suit, his hair being short and black, and receding at the front. He gave a curteous bow and the trio responded the same way, "My name is Mr Thursten, I run the Automotive Museum. My secretary told me you had a special request to make of me?"
"We did make an appointment." Jacques nodded, showing the confirmation paper of the appointment up, his eyes still dashing on the odd moment to the secretary.
"Ah, so you're The Hornet team?" The man's eyes shined with a renewed glee, his old eyes betraying his excitement while his face showed a calm professionalism, "Welcome, please right this way. I bet you're eager to see her."
"Don't be so sure of that." Tetsuya whispered in Jacques' ear, causing Jacques to laugh to himself.

Thursten led the group through a selection of old aircraft, including Spitfires and other small attack aircraft, before entering the area which housed several racing cars. Nobu recognised alot of them, the Toyota Celica GT-4 rally car and the Oriole he beat in the 1997 championships. His eyes kept washing over the vehicles in front of him, eager to catch a glance of the Hornet, but he couldn't find it anywhere.
"This is, of course, your reserve vehicle, back when Hornet Team were still competing." Thursten gleamed, showing his hand to The Gallop at the side of the Stock Car display. Jacques brushed his palm over The Gallop like seeing an old friend again. Tetsuya wasn't too interested in the vehicle display and Nobu was still searching for a sneak glance of his old love. Noticing an empty space, Nobu deduced that Thursten was expecting a new vehicle in sometime soon. Probably this year's Daytona winner. Thursten led the trio out of a side door and onto an empty runway where, situated in the middle of the tarmac, stood the Hornet. The paintwork gleaming like new, despite all the scrapes and bumps it took during it's last championship. It's headlights like saddened eyes over the lack of excitement it now recieved at the museum. Nobu's face muscles just squeezed themselves together to stop himself from getting tearful. It had been so long since the two of them had been together on the track, and he felt the pang of guilt sting his chest as he saw the car in a healthy, but lifeless state. His mind then wandered to the fact she was sitting outside, had Thursten decided to let them take her?
"You kept her in good shape?" Tetsuya questioned Thursten, his eyes inspecting the bodywork of the car to find any rust or imperfections.
"Of course I did, she's my pride and joy." Thursten gleamed with pride, "I take her outside to let the air go through her so she doesn't become unuseable."
"We appreciate that." Tetsuya nodded in approval, moving away from the car having found nothing to fault.
"Now, you said you had a special request. I assume you wanted to have a little play in her for old times sake?" Thursten offered, his tone almost in hope that Nobu would want a drive.
"We were hoping for a little more than that, Mr Thursten." Jacques told him
"Me and The Hornet go back a long way, as does my Pit Crew." Nobu explained, "We're going to re-enter the Daytona USA races and win the Gold one last time."
"I see, and you wanted to practice in the Hornet?" Thursten thought for a moment, his face analysing the risks one by one noticeably, "I'm afraid I wouldn't want the parts t get worn out."
"I've got hundreds of spare parts, filling the walls of my garage. Replacing the parts won't be a problem. She'll be better than new." Jacques assured him, banging his palm firmly against the hood of the car.
"We need more than that, we need to enter The Hornet in as our vehicle during the 2008 Championship." Nobu told him. Thursten's face fell from uneasiness to a refined and professional calm. He almost immediately made up his mind and turned to the three of them.
"She's a marvel, a masterpiece! Enter her into the championship and you don't know what damage she'll come away with." Thursten sucked in his breath to continue his reply, "I might have said yes if I thought she even held a chance, but she doesn't. Have you been to the Daytona Stock Race the last few years? They have vehicles that will run rings around The Hornet, and that's only the amateurs. Against the professionals The Hornet will only get destroyed."
"Mr Thursten, the race is all about the driver. You put me in the Hornet and I guarantee you top billings in the Daytona this year. It'll even serve as free advertising for your museum." Nobu offered, trying desperately to win Thursten back to his side. Nobu turned to face the Hornet as if showing it how hard he was trying.
"You think a car of her calibre can compete and win?" Thursten poised, his eyebrow raised in intrigue.
"Yes I do." Nobu nodded, "Without a doubt." Thursten paused and turned away from the team, thinking over their offer. He let out a slow breath of air before turning back to the three of them, his mind completely made up.
"I can't give you the Hornet. She's too valuable and I don't believe you have much, if any, chance of success. However I owe you for making the Hornet everything that she is, and because of that I'm willing to compromise." Thursten informed them, pulling a set of keys out of his pocket, "I'll lend you The Gallop. She doesn't pull half as many punters and she's about the same age and ability as the Hornet. If you can do it in The Hornet, you can do it in The Gallop."
"I'm not used to the subtle differences of the Gallop." Nobu told him, feeling himself lose the battle for his old car, "Yo gotta let us take The Hornet."
"I'm afraid that's my only offer. Take the Gallop, modify her as much as you like and advertise my museum. I think that's more than fair for someone who's asking for a lend of a vehicle without payment or any guarantee of success." Thursten pushed his point, he wasn't in the mood to argue about his decision.
"W..." Nobu whimpered before Tetsuya elbowed him in the rib sharply.
"That's a fine offer, we accept." Tetsuya agreed, walking up to Thursten, shaking his hand and taking the keys.
"Very well. Good day gentlemen, and good luck." Thursten then smiled, walked away from the group, re-entered the building and disappeared.
"What's the big idea?" Nobu gripped Tetsuya coarsely by the shirt
"You made me quit my goddamn job for this, we failed to get The Hornet, so what? We got The Gallop for nothing. I wasn't about to let you make us lose the Gallop too, because then we'd be totally screwed." Tetsuya argued, taking a quick glance at the keys in his hand and making his way into the building to take the Gallop out of storage.
"His job wasn't even that good." Jacques shrugged and gave a small laugh before realising it wasn't cheering Nobu up at all, "I understand how you feel, but we got a car. The Gallop runs on the same engine and parts as The Hornet, in several ways she's the same vehicle. Don't get too down about it dude, we've at least got a good chance." Jacques sighed that Nobu wasn't cheering up and retreated back into the building.

Nobu just stood there, staring at the old machine, it's headlights looking coldly back at him, lifeless. Nobu felt guilty for letting her wind up here, a relic with a thrill-less future. He took the moment to whisper his tearful goodbyes to the machine, brushing his fingertips against the bonnet, before turning away. He couldn't help but feel he'd betrayed the machine again, but this time there was nothing he could do.


=ANALYSIS=
NOBU
I changed some speech quite a bit, some I only changed one word. There are a few lines completely unaltered. However there's no denying that even the smallest changes to this character's speech have made him a bigger and more definate hero character in the story. He's more commanding, he's more like a professional, despite his own thoughts being muddled and in awe of his environment, he doesn't show it in his words so much. This makes him sound more like someone you can follow than he sounded before.


Tetsuya will be a hard-lined professional but also an aggressive character, with bad blood running between himself and Nobu. This will include the Nobu edits.
=TETSUYA SCENE=
The aircraft hangar towered in front of him, the wind shearing off of it's grooved surface sending chills through the trio. Tetsuya had been complaining about the weather for some time, and was still complaining even now while Jacques did his best to silence him. It didn't matter, Nobu couldn't hear either of them. His whole body was tense and he could feel his skin begin a slight sweat. He'd finally come back to see her, after leaving her here to recieve no more glory, Nobu was back to see The Hornet. The car he'd been forced to abandon ten years earlier after winning the Daytona USA 2 1998 Championship. He didn't know what he was going to say, what she'd be like or even if she'd be in good condition, that was what made him feel most guilty.
He kept paused, blocking the doorway in front of him which opened up into the large automotive museum. Tetsuya got impatient and forced his way past Nobu hurriedly, mumbling to himself and marching his way into the shelter of the museum. Nobu didn't even notice, he was too busy sucking in the sight of the large aircraft housing filled with great machines of the past. Jacques motioned to pull Nobu in, then slowly decided against it, retreating into the building and making his way to the receptionist with his appointment sheet in hand.

"Coming in or not?" Tetsuya poised, marching back and tugging Nobu through the entrance and shutting the door. He pushed Nobu's shoulder to get a reaction from him, making sure he was still awake.
"What? Ah, right. Sorry." Nobu apologised, shaking his head a little and trying to regain his focus, clicking his fingers and hoping it would bring his mind back to reality, but he couldn't help feeling elevated. He was surrounded by some of the most amazing machines ever built. He was surrounded by aircraft and to his left was sprawled with military machines. Nobu made his way to the desk, keeping his attention firmly on the machines dominating the area before finally noticing that Jacques was already in deep talks with the secretary. The secretary nodded to Nobu and turned to her phone, presumably calling the manager as arranged. Tetsuya noticed Nobu's attention wandering about the room and gave him a quick and light slap across the face.
"Stop screwing around. At least try and keep focussed." Tetsuya instructed, his annoyance made plain by his facial expression
"Now look here. I'm just nervous, keep your cool." Nobu objected, trying to calm Tetsuya down
"Just don't screw this up." Tetsuya drilled, turning away from Nobu and facing the desk to see how Jacques had gotten on.
"Yeah thanks, I feel easier already." Nobu told himself sarcastically. A few moments passed, and Jacques was still chatting to the secretary. She was giggling heartily at his jokes, as Tetsuya started glaring at Nobu. As Tetsuya continued, Nobu felt more and more uneasy.

"Mitsuyoshi-san?" A deep authorative voice came from behind the trio. The group turned around to see a tall middle aged gentleman in a black business suit, his hair being short and black, and receding at the front. He gave a curteous bow and the trio responded the same way, "My name is Mr Thursten, I run the Automotive Museum. My secretary told me you had a special request to make of me?"
"We did make an appointment." Jacques nodded, showing the confirmation paper of the appointment up, his eyes still dashing on the odd moment to the secretary.
"Ah, so you're The Hornet team?" The man's eyes shined with a renewed glee, his old eyes betraying his excitement while his face showed a calm professionalism, "Welcome, please right this way. I bet you're eager to see her."
"Don't be so sure of that." Tetsuya whispered in Jacques' ear, causing Jacques to laugh to himself.

Thursten led the group through a selection of old aircraft, including Spitfires and other small attack aircraft, before entering the area which housed several racing cars. Nobu recognised alot of them, the Toyota Celica GT-4 rally car and the Oriole he beat in the 1997 championships. His eyes kept washing over the vehicles in front of him, eager to catch a glance of the Hornet, but he couldn't find it anywhere.
"This is, of course, your reserve vehicle, back when Hornet Team were still competing." Thursten gleamed, showing his hand to The Gallop at the side of the Stock Car display. Jacques brushed his palm over The Gallop like seeing an old friend again. Tetsuya wasn't too interested in the vehicle display and Nobu was still searching for a sneak glance of his old love. Noticing an empty space, Nobu deduced that Thursten was expecting a new vehicle in sometime soon. Probably this year's Daytona winner. Thursten led the trio out of a side door and onto an empty runway where, situated in the middle of the tarmac, stood the Hornet. The paintwork gleaming like new, despite all the scrapes and bumps it took during it's last championship. It's headlights like saddened eyes over the lack of excitement it now recieved at the museum. Nobu's face muscles just squeezed themselves together to stop himself from getting tearful. It had been so long since the two of them had been together on the track, and he felt the pang of guilt sting his chest as he saw the car in a healthy, but lifeless state. His mind then wandered to the fact she was sitting outside, had Thursten decided to let them take her?
"You kept her in good shape?" Tetsuya questioned Thursten, his eyes inspecting the bodywork of the car to find any rust or imperfections.
"Of course I did, she's my pride and joy." Thursten gleamed with pride, "I take her outside to let the air go through her so she doesn't become unuseable."
"We appreciate that." Tetsuya nodded in approval, moving away from the car having found nothing to fault.
"Now, you said you had a special request. I assume you wanted to have a little play in her for old times sake?" Thursten offered, his tone almost in hope that Nobu would want a drive.
"We were hoping for a little more than that, Mr Thursten." Jacques told him
"Me and The Hornet go back a long way, as does my Pit Crew." Nobu explained, "We're going to re-enter the Daytona USA races and win the Gold one last time."
"I see, and you wanted to practice in the Hornet?" Thursten thought for a moment, his face analysing the risks one by one noticeably, "I'm afraid I wouldn't want the parts t get worn out."
"I've got hundreds of spare parts, filling the walls of my garage. Replacing the parts won't be a problem. She'll be better than new." Jacques assured him, banging his palm firmly against the hood of the car.
"We need more than that, we need to enter The Hornet in as our vehicle during the 2008 Championship." Nobu told him. Thursten's face fell from uneasiness to a refined and professional calm. He almost immediately made up his mind and turned to the three of them.
"She's a marvel, a masterpiece! Enter her into the championship and you don't know what damage she'll come away with." Thursten sucked in his breath to continue his reply, "I might have said yes if I thought she even held a chance, but she doesn't. Have you been to the Daytona Stock Race the last few years? They have vehicles that will run rings around The Hornet, and that's only the amateurs. Against the professionals The Hornet will only get destroyed."
"Mr Thursten, the race is all about the driver. You put me in the Hornet and I guarantee you top billings in the Daytona this year. It'll even serve as free advertising for your museum." Nobu offered, trying desperately to win Thursten back to his side. Nobu turned to face the Hornet as if showing it how hard he was trying.
"You think a car of her calibre can compete and win?" Thursten poised, his eyebrow raised in intrigue.
"Yes I do." Nobu nodded, "Without a doubt." Thursten paused and turned away from the team, thinking over their offer. He let out a slow breath of air before turning back to the three of them, his mind completely made up.
"I can't give you the Hornet. She's too valuable and I don't believe you have much, if any, chance of success. However I owe you for making the Hornet everything that she is, and because of that I'm willing to compromise." Thursten informed them, pulling a set of keys out of his pocket, "I'll lend you The Gallop. She doesn't pull half as many punters and she's about the same age and ability as the Hornet. If you can do it in The Hornet, you can do it in The Gallop."
"I'm not used to the subtle differences of the Gallop." Nobu told him, feeling himself lose the battle for his old car, "Yo gotta let us take The Hornet."
"I'm afraid that's my only offer. Take the Gallop, modify her as much as you like and advertise my museum. I think that's more than fair for someone who's asking for a lend of a vehicle without payment or any guarantee of success." Thursten pushed his point, he wasn't in the mood to argue about his decision.
"W..." Nobu whimpered before Tetsuya elbowed him in the rib sharply.
"That's fine, we accept." Tetsuya agreed, walking up to Thursten, shaking his hand and taking the keys.
"Very well. Good day gentlemen, and good luck." Thursten then smiled, walked away from the group, re-entered the building and disappeared.
"What's the big idea?" Nobu gripped Tetsuya coarsely by the shirt
"You made me quit my goddamn job for this, and you failed to get The Hornet. We at least got The Gallop for nothing, I wasn't about to let you make us lose the Gallop too, because then we'd be totally screwed." Tetsuya argued, taking a quick glance at the keys in his hand and making his way into the building to take the Gallop out of storage.
"His job wasn't even that good." Jacques shrugged and gave a small laugh before realising it wasn't cheering Nobu up at all, "I understand how you feel, but we got a car. The Gallop runs on the same engine and parts as The Hornet, in several ways she's the same vehicle. Don't get too down about it dude, we've at least got a good chance." Jacques sighed that Nobu wasn't cheering up and retreated back into the building.

Nobu just stood there, staring at the old machine, it's headlights looking coldly back at him, lifeless. Nobu felt guilty for letting her wind up here, a relic with a thrill-less future. He took the moment to whisper his tearful goodbyes to the machine, brushing his fingertips against the bonnet, before turning away. He couldn't help but feel he'd betrayed the machine again, but this time there was nothing he could do.


=ANALYSIS=
TETSUYA
Not a huge amount of editting was needed for Tetsuya, as his aggression came out fairly well during the early drafts. However some of his speeches have been cut down a bit to make them more direct and to the point, giving the impression Tetsuya isn't interested in any backtalk. It all adds to his air of aggression and self-importance which drives a wedge between himself and Nobu.


Jacques will be a calmer, slightly younger and more flirty character out of the team. He's a genius at his job, but he's easily distracted by the fairer sex. This will include the Nobu and Tetsuya edits.
=JACQUES SCENE=
The aircraft hangar towered in front of him, the wind shearing off of it's grooved surface sending chills through the trio. Tetsuya had been complaining about the weather for some time, and was still complaining even now while Jacques did his best to silence him. It didn't matter, Nobu couldn't hear either of them. His whole body was tense and he could feel his skin begin a slight sweat. He'd finally come back to see her, after leaving her here to recieve no more glory, Nobu was back to see The Hornet. The car he'd been forced to abandon ten years earlier after winning the Daytona USA 2 1998 Championship. He didn't know what he was going to say, what she'd be like or even if she'd be in good condition, that was what made him feel most guilty.
He kept paused, blocking the doorway in front of him which opened up into the large automotive museum. Tetsuya got impatient and forced his way past Nobu hurriedly, mumbling to himself and marching his way into the shelter of the museum. Nobu didn't even notice, he was too busy sucking in the sight of the large aircraft housing filled with great machines of the past. Jacques motioned to pull Nobu in, then slowly decided against it, retreating into the building and making his way to the receptionist with his appointment sheet in hand.

"Coming in or not?" Tetsuya poised, marching back and tugging Nobu through the entrance and shutting the door. He pushed Nobu's shoulder to get a reaction from him, making sure he was still awake.
"What? Ah, right. Sorry." Nobu apologised, shaking his head a little and trying to regain his focus, clicking his fingers and hoping it would bring his mind back to reality, but he couldn't help feeling elevated. He was surrounded by some of the most amazing machines ever built. He was surrounded by aircraft and to his left was sprawled with military machines. Nobu made his way to the desk, keeping his attention firmly on the machines dominating the area before finally noticing that Jacques was already in deep talks with the secretary, his flirting making her blush and giggle. The secretary nodded to Nobu and turned to her phone, presumably calling the manager as arranged. Tetsuya noticed Nobu's attention wandering about the room and gave him a quick and light slap across the face.
"Stop screwing around. At least try and keep focussed." Tetsuya instructed, his annoyance made plain by his facial expression
"Now look here. I'm just nervous, keep your cool." Nobu objected, trying to calm Tetsuya down
"Just don't screw this up." Tetsuya drilled, turning away from Nobu and facing the desk to see how Jacques had gotten on.
"Yeah thanks, I feel easier already." Nobu told himself sarcastically. A few moments passed, and Jacques was still chatting to the secretary. She was giggling heartily at his jokes, as Tetsuya started glaring at Nobu. As Tetsuya continued, Nobu felt more and more uneasy.

"Mitsuyoshi-san?" A deep authorative voice came from behind the trio. The group turned around to see a tall middle aged gentleman in a black business suit, his hair being short and black, and receding at the front. He gave a curteous bow and the trio responded the same way, "My name is Mr Thursten, I run the Automotive Museum. My secretary told me you had a special request to make of me?"
"Hey there, sir. Lookin' fine. We have an appointment." Jacques nodded, showing the confirmation paper of the appointment up.
"Ah, so you're The Hornet team?" The man's eyes shined with a renewed glee, his old eyes betraying his excitement while his face showed a calm professionalism, "Welcome, please right this way. I bet you're eager to see her."
"Don't be so sure of that." Tetsuya whispered in Jacques' ear, causing Jacques to laugh to himself.

Thursten led the group through a selection of old aircraft, including Spitfires and other small attack aircraft, before entering the area which housed several racing cars. Nobu recognised alot of them, the Toyota Celica GT-4 rally car and the Oriole he beat in the 1997 championships. His eyes kept washing over the vehicles in front of him, eager to catch a glance of the Hornet, but he couldn't find it anywhere.
"This is, of course, your reserve vehicle, back when Hornet Team were still competing." Thursten gleamed, showing his hand to The Gallop at the side of the Stock Car display. Jacques brushed his palm over The Gallop like seeing an old friend again. Tetsuya wasn't too interested in the vehicle display and Nobu was still searching for a sneak glance of his old love. Noticing an empty space, Nobu deduced that Thursten was expecting a new vehicle in sometime soon. Probably this year's Daytona winner. Thursten led the trio out of a side door and onto an empty runway where, situated in the middle of the tarmac, stood the Hornet. The paintwork gleaming like new, despite all the scrapes and bumps it took during it's last championship. It's headlights like saddened eyes over the lack of excitement it now recieved at the museum. Nobu's face muscles just squeezed themselves together to stop himself from getting tearful. It had been so long since the two of them had been together on the track, and he felt the pang of guilt sting his chest as he saw the car in a healthy, but lifeless state. His mind then wandered to the fact she was sitting outside, had Thursten decided to let them take her?
"You kept her in good shape?" Tetsuya questioned Thursten, his eyes inspecting the bodywork of the car to find any rust or imperfections.
"Of course I did, she's my pride and joy." Thursten gleamed with pride, "I take her outside to let the air go through her so she doesn't become unuseable."
"We appreciate that." Tetsuya nodded in approval, moving away from the car having found nothing to fault.
"Now, you said you had a special request. I assume you wanted to have a little play in her for old times sake?" Thursten offered, his tone almost in hope that Nobu would want a drive.
"I'm afraid we were hoping for a little more than that, Mr Thursten." Jacques told him
"Me and The Hornet go back a long way, as does my Pit Crew." Nobu explained, "We're going to re-enter the Daytona USA races and win the Gold one last time."
"I see, and you wanted to practice in the Hornet?" Thursten thought for a moment, his face analysing the risks one by one noticeably, "I'm afraid I wouldn't want the parts t get worn out."
"Don't worry yourself, I've got hundreds of spare parts filling the walls of my garage. Replacing the parts won't be a problem. She'll be better than new." Jacques assured him, banging his palm twice firmly against the hood of the car.
"We need more than that, we need to enter The Hornet in as our vehicle during the 2008 Championship." Nobu told him. Thursten's face fell from uneasiness to a refined and professional calm. He almost immediately made up his mind and turned to the three of them.
"She's a marvel, a masterpiece! Enter her into the championship and you don't know what damage she'll come away with." Thursten sucked in his breath to continue his reply, "I might have said yes if I thought she even held a chance, but she doesn't. Have you been to the Daytona Stock Race the last few years? They have vehicles that will run rings around The Hornet, and that's only the amateurs. Against the professionals The Hornet will only get destroyed."
"Mr Thursten, the race is all about the driver. You put me in the Hornet and I guarantee you top billings in the Daytona this year. It'll even serve as free advertising for your museum." Nobu offered, trying desperately to win Thursten back to his side. Nobu turned to face the Hornet as if showing it how hard he was trying.
"You think a car of her calibre can compete and win?" Thursten poised, his eyebrow raised in intrigue.
"Yes I do." Nobu nodded, "Without a doubt." Thursten paused and turned away from the team, thinking over their offer. He let out a slow breath of air before turning back to the three of them, his mind completely made up.
"I can't give you the Hornet. She's too valuable and I don't believe you have much, if any, chance of success. However I owe you for making the Hornet everything that she is, and because of that I'm willing to compromise." Thursten informed them, pulling a set of keys out of his pocket, "I'll lend you The Gallop. She doesn't pull half as many punters and she's about the same age and ability as the Hornet. If you can do it in The Hornet, you can do it in The Gallop."
"I'm not used to the subtle differences of The Gallop." Nobu told him, feeling himself lose the battle for his old car, "Yo gotta let us take The Hornet."
"I'm afraid that's my only offer. Take the Gallop, modify her as much as you like and advertise my museum. I think that's more than fair for someone who's asking for a lend of a vehicle without payment or any guarantee of success." Thursten pushed his point, he wasn't in the mood to argue about his decision.
"W..." Nobu whimpered before Tetsuya elbowed him in the rib sharply.
"That's fine, we accept." Tetsuya agreed, walking up to Thursten, shaking his hand and taking the keys.
"Thanks, man. Glad you're so cool about it." Jacques nodded in approval.
"Very well. Then good day gentlemen, and good luck." Thursten then smiled, walked away from the group, re-entered the building and disappeared.
"What's the big idea?" Nobu gripped Tetsuya coarsely by the shirt
"You made me quit my goddamn job for this, and you failed to get The Hornet. We at least got The Gallop for nothing, I wasn't about to let you make us lose the Gallop too, because then we'd be totally screwed." Tetsuya argued, taking a quick glance at the keys in his hand and making his way into the building to take the Gallop out of storage.
"Don't know what he's moaning about, being a Chef ain't that cool." Jacques shrugged and gave a small laugh before realising it wasn't cheering Nobu up at all, "Hey, look I understand how you feel, but at least we got a car. The Gallop runs on the same engine and parts as The Hornet, in several ways she's the same vehicle. Don't get too down about it dude, we've still got a good chance." Jacques sighed that Nobu wasn't cheering up and retreated back into the building.

Nobu just stood there, staring at the old machine, it's headlights looking coldly back at him, lifeless. Nobu felt guilty for letting her wind up here, a relic with a thrill-less future. He took the moment to whisper his tearful goodbyes to the machine, brushing his fingertips against the bonnet, before turning away. He couldn't help but feel he'd betrayed the machine again, but this time there was nothing he could do.


=ANALYSIS=
JACQUES
Jacques was more difficult to bring out personality with because his role in this is easily written as an unnecessary tag-along. With the speech I've tried to re-establish him in the scene as a necessity, being the moral rock Nobu leans on in the face of Tetsuya's aggression. Jacques has had an extra line added in, and his speech changed to be slightly younger and more fitting to his unprofessional speech type. He therefore comes across as a more vital addition to the team, despite not being leader material as the other two can be, but being the backbone that keeps the Team supported.

If you can make your characters as refined as this (You'll probably do better since your stories will be closer to completion in your minds, for me Daytona USA is still in early concept stage - shows what this process can do to something that I've not even finalised in my head yet!) then your stories should come alive alot more. Your next task is set in the final tutorial of this section.